My flaws..

One of my biggest flaws is that I get so angry when people aren't on time. Like, psycho angry. It just pisses me off to no end. I was supposed to hang out with Phil tonight, and he said around 7 or so. We were going to go out for ice cream and walk the canal route. Haha. Yea. So he said around 7 and I said okay. Talked to my mom about it, and she wanted me home by 9:30. Fair enough, I'm still technically grounded. So I should be happy with whatever I can get. Anywho, So he was out with his cousin buying car parts or something like that. He said he wouldn't make 7, but soon after or whatever. So I waited. And waited. Oh, and I'm still waiting. Two and a half hours later. I don't mean to be angry. It's just one of my biggest pet peeves. If someone says they're going to call me, say around 10pm, and they don't, I just get really irritated. And I'm venting on here because when I talk to him, I don't want him to think I'm pissed. I understand, he has shit to do. It's actually alright because I got some homework done. Not much, but a start. So it was beneficial. And I burned 9 CDs. Haha. Anyways, I really need to work on my project. I have to do a Powerpoint presentation and a 10 page paper on a subject correlating national community and the baby boomer generation. Any ideas? Please help. I'm thinking something relating drugs to the generation and how drugs affect society today. But I'm not sure I can gather enough information to write a 10 page paper on that. My other idea, which is what I'm going to go with for now, is to write a paper about what is means to be American. How it was defined during the baby boom and how it is defined now. What are the similarities? Differences? How has the boomer generation contributed to the definition of being American? Wow. I love my thoughts right now. I need to go work on this paper. Byeeeeee.
  • Current Music
    Gimme Half | The Devil Wears Prada


Jackie is coming overrrrr. Then we're hanging out, and then I have work at 6. Funtastic. I really hope I see Phil tonight. We have to talk about what's going on. Because I'm utterly confused. Anyways, I have to finish putting clothes on. Byeee.
  • Current Music
    The Day Seattle Died; Cold


Listening to Cold again. I'm really liking this band. I would see them in concert. Anywho, ugh. My mind is going crazy. I can't stop thinking about Phil. He's always on my mind. The way he kisses, the way he holds me, the way his voice sounds, the smile on his face. I don't know. Am I crazy? You're not supposed to fall for someone this fast. It just doesn't happen that way. And I'm young. I'm almost 19. I have many years left of my life. How does this happen? I could really honestly truly fall in love with this boy. He's just amazing. And I know bits and pieces of his past, and no I don't agree with them. But it doesn't change the way I feel about him. Even when I don't talk to him for a few hours, I don't go crazy wondering where he is. I'm just going to trust him. But he's pulling this whole "I can't do this right now" bit. And I don't know what to think of it. He said not talking to me is like not eating. That's intense. So I'm not the only crazy one in this relationship. I don't know. I miss him. Hopefully I'll see him tonight. <3

Anyways, mom just told me that Linda found a tumor in her breast again. It's been like 6 years, but she's freaking out and I'm a little scared too. Linda is like my second mother. I was best friends with her daughter and that's how I got to know her. Me and her daughter don't talk anymore, though. But Linda and I stay in contact. And my mom is close friends with her. I hope everything works out for her. I love her.

I hate that I've been lying to my parents so much. It's driving me insane. I feel so guilty. But I'm so suffocated when I'm home. They don't back off. They hover. And I hate it. Especially after college, because I'm so used to my independence. And I like being independent. Honestly, if I could afford it, I'd get my own apartment now. But with school I can't do that. Because I can't work a full time job, go to class full time, buy a car and insurance, etc. So I have to deal with this for now. Me and Jess were talking about getting an apartment when she get's back from overseas. That'd be sick. And I'm so down for it. I can be responsible. And not let my life get fucked up. Contrary to what my parents believe.

I need to stop being lazy. I've been in bed all day. Just because I could. I have work at 6. I get out at 10 (hopefully). And then hopefully I'm going out with Phil. We need to talk about this. I need answers. I don't know. We'll see. Anyways, I need to go get my iced coffee. Byeeeeee.
  • Current Music
    Whatever You Became; Cold


I've had this LJ account for many years. I've just never posted anything really. So, now I'm going to try to do that. It will be like my censored personal journal. I can't get Phil off my mind. I just feel such a connection with him. If I could, I'd explain the emotions that pulse through my veins when he kisses me. He texted me tonight. Basically saying how he can't do this right now. Last night we talked about it. He has to "get his life straightened out" before he can be with me. It's fine and dandy and all, but he couldn't have figured that out a little sooner? Whatever.

Shit at home is still fucked up. I just want my parents to realize I'm not going to fuck up my life and turn out like my uncle. That's like my mom's worst fear. He's not a bad person. He's got a great heart and he's wise. He just happens to be a 52 year old pothead alcoholic. But everyone has imperfections. No one is perfect. "You can't take it at face value."

It sucks laying in my bed. It just reminds me of the other day when he came over. No one was home, so we were laying in my bed talking for hours. About everything and anything. I love our conversations. They are quite entertaining. And he has the best high rants I've heard.

Clearly I like this boy. I lie to my parents constantly to be able to see him (because I'm grounded for the summer and need reasons to get out of the house). I cut my hours back at work to see him. I sneak out of my house in the middle of the night just to be with him. Obviously I care about him. I don't know.

I'm really high and need to go to sleep.

P.S. Cold is a fantastic band. I really enjoy their lyrics.

  • Current Music
    Rain Song; Cold